Tag Archives: stress

How to reduce stress when your child is sick

LIVE WELL / tagged , , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN

It’s a fact of life: kids get sick, and they often take you down with them.

While every working mother dreads the words, “Mom, I don’t feel well”, the key to reducing the stress of sick days to create a plan A well ahead of time, and have a plan B ready if plan A falls through.  Share the plans with everyone who needs to know, including your children, so they know what to expect.

Plan A, for many fortunate women, is to call extended family for help. If daycare or school is not an option, having a grandparent or relative to call on can be a lifesaver.

For those, like me, whose family live hundreds or even thousands of miles away, Plan A looks a bit different. If you’re lucky, plan A can be as simple as working from home, but it may also mean a day of unpaid leave, a sick day, or negotiating with a partner for whose work day is the most expendable. In all of these cases, they key is to know what is possible. Make time to check in with HR/your boss to see what the official policy is at work (if you are the boss, hopefully have a family-friendly policy!) and with your partner if you have one, to see who has the most flexibility. Tag teaming for a half day each is another option to consider.

Before we had children, my husband and I decided that a nanny was essential if I was going to be able to work from home.  Thankfully we found the best nanny in the world – a real Mary Poppins – who was with us for five years and continues to be part of our family’s life to this day. If the children were ever sick, nanny NayNay was there for them.  It really was an ideal situation but of course the children eventually reached school age, and with that came the need for a new plan A and B.

Playing hooky?

To me, the most stressful part of having sick children is figuring out how ‘sick’ they really are (and whether, in fact, a day off from school is justified…).

While it may be fairly evident if a toddler or preschooler is too sick to go to daycare/needs to see a doctor (fever, throwing up, hacking cough, not eating, rash etc.), I have often found it harder to determine the same with my school age children.

Do they really have a headache that will prevent classroom time, or are they trying to pull a fast one in order to skip a test?  Is their tummy ache caused by anxiety or a stomach bug? And worse still…. are they being sick because they’ve got a stomach bug, or do they have appendicitis? (I found that one out the hard way…)

Teaching children to be resilient means not giving in to every little ache or stuffy nose – after all, as adults we have to just get on with it a lot of the time – but it’s important to do due diligence to ensure you don’t overlook something more serious…. or send them to school with something infectious that knocks out half the class. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers a handy tool to consult when your child is sick at www.healthychildren.org, but never substitute this or any other advice for the advice of your personal physician.

In the short term, if they have no concerning symptoms and they look ‘ok’, I enlist my mother’s mantra to help my older children convince me that a sick day is in order: “Only you can tell how unwell you really feel”. As it turns out, it works almost all the time. My children know how much effort it takes to catch up on a whole day of missed classwork, quizzes and homework, and it’s not fun! Plus, sick days do not result in electronic time. If you’re too sick for school, the remedy is bed and a book in our house.

Of course, the key to reducing seasonal stress is to do what you can to keep everyone healthy. Insisting on adequate sleep for the whole family, regularly eating a wide range of colorful fruits and vegetables, and consistently your washing hands are all helpful ways to boost immunity. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offer some helpful tips on Stopping the Spread of Germs at Home, Work & School.

Ultimately, like a good scout, the trick for sick days is always to be prepared. They’re going to happen. Often. So, if you don’t have a good plan A (and B), now is the time to put one in place.

Until next time,
Sarah

Benefits of walking

2 ways to boost happiness in 20 minutes at lunchtime

STRESS LESS / tagged , , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN.

It’s pouring with rain and the dogs are at my feet. Ollie hates to get wet, while Pickle, our mad-cap Jack Russell, couldn’t care less.  Ollie’s disposition gives me the perfect excuse NOT to leave my desk at lunchtime, but I know if I can just get outside, it will be worth the effort.

Did you know that the simple act of getting outside at lunchtime is scientifically proven to boost happiness? Perhaps not in the rain, but spending time in fresh air on a nice day can boost your mood significantly. According to research by the University of Sussex1., leaving the office to eat lunch outside – in a park, on a bench, at home, or even while riding public transport – can measurably increase happiness.

The study found that the reverse was true of staying put: eating at a desk, or in the office café, did not positively impact emotional wellbeing or enhance the study participants’ attitudes towards work. In fact, eating at their desks reduced participants’ scores by 1.42 on the study’s happiness scale.

So, the first way to boost happiness at lunchtime is to get outside.

As hard as it can be to justify taking a lunch break, think of it as a way to return to work feeling refocused and refreshed, then give yourself permission to go. Just 20 minutes is enough if that’s all you can squeeze in.

On the way out of your office, try to be ‘present’. Check in with yourself. If you’re feeling stressed, try to use the 4-7-8 breathing technique to reduce any stress or anxiety you may be feeling.

This is also a great time to enjoy 5-7 minutes of brisk walking and soak up a bit of mood-regulating Vitamin-D on the way to finding an inspiring spot to eat your lunch.

If you’re not close to a park, try to find a bench from which you can observe trees, birds, or simply a patch of sky. Tune in to the sights, smells and sounds around you.  Explore your surroundings with a new spot each day. The study reported that the highest happiness was found for those eating lunch at the beach but hey, we have to be realistic!

Hopefully, you’ve been kind to yourself and made or bought a healthy lunch option to eat (check out Cooking Light for some great ideas), and some water to keep you hydrated.

Now, you have time for the second way to boost happiness: practicing gratitude.

If you have never seriously tried to focus on what you are grateful for, it can feel a bit strange talking to yourself in your head, but that’s all you need to do. Start with a simple list: “I am grateful for this fresh air filling my lungs, I am grateful for this healthy lunch nourishing my body, I am grateful for this sunny day warming my face…” and move on. Don’t just say the words, but really try to feel your gratitude rising.

Did you know that the word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia, which is also the root of the word ‘grace’? For those with religious convictions, this moment of gratitude also presents an opportunity to connect with a higher power.

The subjective nature of gratitude makes it hard to study scientifically, but Harvard Medical School’s Healthbeat2 suggests that studies in this area do support, “an association between gratitude and an individual’s well-being.” For my part, I know it makes me feel happier.

When you have run through a simple list, and while you are munching on your lunch, move on to things that really matter to you. Think about your health (what works!), your family (the joy!), your job (the things your paycheck makes possible), and your relationships (try to resist the temptation to dwell on anything negative and focus on small things that you are grateful for).

Creating the habit of gratitude does require practice. If you’re a visual person, you may want to start a gratitude journal to jot things down (though juggling this with your sandwich may prove tricky). I call mine a JOY JOURNAL because when I look through the pages and see the many incredible blessings I have in my life, it brings me a deep sense of happiness. I use mine last thing at night so I go to sleep focusing on positive rather than negative things.

OK, now that you’ve enjoyed a stress-relieving walk (5 mins), a nutritious and gratitude-inducing lunch (10 mins) you’re ready for a calm and happy trip back to your desk (5 mins). Depending on where you work this timeframe may need to be adjusted, but try to squeeze gratitude in where you can.

As you return, notice how you feel.  Hopefully you feel recharged and a bit happier than when you left. If nothing else, you squeezed in a healthy lunch, a bit of ‘you’ time, and a few minutes of heart-healthy exercise! Now simply repeat daily for a healthier, happier outlook.

The rain has stopped and Ollie is indicating that I have absolutely no excuse not to venture out….

Until next time,
Sarah

  1. “Happiness is greater in natural environments”, George MacKerrona, Susana Mouratoc, Global Environmental Change, Volume 23, Issue 5, October 2013, Pages 992–1000: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0959378013000575
  2. Harvard Health Publications, http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat
tree

The one thing you must do today if you have children

STRESS LESS / tagged , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN

In the one hour I have left before picking up the children from school, I have to figure out supper (make a quiche and buy dog food), write an article and find my son’s soccer kit before we hit the road for tonight’s game. Mentally, I rush through the list, prioritizing, but today all of these things seem equally important.  I feel stress rising, ever so slightly in my chest.

Rushing and stressing are what most working moms do all the time. No matter how many times we read helpful articles on ‘How to Stress Less’ or ’10 Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On’, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

It was only when I realized the impact my constant ‘rushing’ was having on the entire family, and how stressed they were becoming as a result, that I decided I had to do something differently.

And so, as soon as I felt the stress rising I stopped everything I was doing this afternoon. Mid quiche.

I leaned back against the kitchen counter and I took a low, slow, deep breath in through my nose, held it, and then released it through my mouth.  This calming, 3-step breathing technique, which I learned about from Dr. Andrew Weil, is absolutely brilliant and can be done anywhere, or any time you feel in the least bit stressed or overwhelmed.

It took me a while to get the hang of it. To start – and this feels a bit strange if you’ve never done it before – put the tip of your tongue behind your upper front teeth, then exhale through your mouth. Then:

  • Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of FOUR
  • Then hold your breath for a count of SEVEN
  • Finally, breathe out through your mouth, whooshing, for a count of EIGHT

Repeat this cycle four more times, for a total of five breaths, counting each time. Dr. Weil suggests that the cycle should be repeated at least twice a day, building up to as many as eight breaths after the first month of practice. The important thing to remember is to let the inhalation be quiet, and the exhalation, or whooshing sound, be audible. I also like to close my eyes and think of a place where I feel close to Nature, (in this case, a path in rural Spain that leads to a heart-shaped tree).

After five of these breath cycles, it is really quite amazing how the level of stress just melts away. And when that happens, you can pick up where you left off (mid quiche if necessary) and get on with your to-do list much more efficiently.

The bonus of learning this breathing technique has been threefold: 1) it has changed the way I handle stress by stopping it before it starts; 2) my family is less stressed because I am more calm, and 3) my children are using the technique themselves to self-soothe everything from exam nerves to stage fright.

To learn how to do this today, watch Dr. Weil demonstrate it in this video.