BY SARAH EYKYN
Self-doubt can sabotage hopes and dreams before they get a chance to see the light of day. If your creative vision, or your desire to do something more with your life is being stifled, it’s time to do a little soul-searching.
If you don’t have faith in yourself, there may be an underlying reason that is limiting your beliefs. Often, the root cause of self-doubt is uncertainty: either you have not been successful at something in the past and you’re not sure you can do it in the future, or you are facing a task that is outside your comfort zone and you have no idea how to handle it.
One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman, who wrote The Four Purposes of Life: Finding Meaning and Direction in a Changing World. He says, “Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.”
Uncertainty can be very unsettling if you are not a risk-taker by nature. It’s easier to do what you know, or to be where you feel safe, or to have what you are sure of, than it is to step into a place where your expectations may not be met.
The trouble with staying in the safe zone is that you never get to grow. Eventually you get stuck – in your life, in a dead-end job, in a loveless relationship, or in an unhealthy mindset.
Get out of your comfort zone
If you know that self-doubt is holding you back, how can you break through? Can you use fear of the unknown to propel you forwards? Can you use it to actually boost your confidence?
The answer is yes, if you are willing to meet a challenge that lies just outside your comfort zone, and to use your success to make you more resilient.
In reality, breaking through self-doubt is just like learning to walk: You need to take a small step, revel in the forward motion, pick yourself up if you fall, and repeat your efforts until you have conquered the fear.
For my own part, I buried one of my strongest desires – to travel around the world – for years because I was afraid of jumping off the career ladder. I was afraid of not earning money, yet I was equally afraid of staying in a job that wasn’t going anywhere. I was afraid of missing the chance to travel, but I was also afraid of traveling alone. I was stuck and full of self-doubt because I didn’t know what I really wanted to do with my life.
Looking back, I could say that fate stepped in and opened a door for me. My grandmother died and left me just enough money for a round-the-world plane ticket on budget airlines. She had told us wonderful tales of her adventures abroad, and I felt that spending the money on travel would have pleased her. It was just the push I needed to take a chance on myself. I handed in my notice the day after the funeral.
With no internet to turn to for research at that time, I plotted my route with a lot of uncertainty and a huge dose of naivety. I randomly planned stops throughout America, Mexico, Raratonga, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Kenya.
As none of my friends wanted to jump off the career ladder with me, I was left with no choice but to go alone. The only thing I took with me, besides a way-too heavy backpack, were a few tentative contracts for freelance articles, and a handful of addresses of distant relatives and friends-of-friends to call on.
There were a great many adventures ahead of me, but it was while hiking in Mexico that I learned to give myself up to uncertainty.
I had joined a group on a month-long exploration of the country that started in Mexico City. Having climbed up the pyramids at Teotihuacán, we took our lives and our stomachs in our hands with a journey on the Chihuahua al Pacífico Railroad from Los Mochis to Creel, where we were to hike the Copper Canyon. Reader’s Digest called the ride “the most dramatic train ride in the western hemisphere,” and they were spot on.
I don’t know whether it was seeing poverty-stricken slums from the train, the grubby boys selling tacos and carnitas on the train, or the heartbreaking sincerity of the Tarahumara Indian children carrying their smaller siblings on their backs as they begged when we got off the train, but the 9-hour journey felt LONG.
Creel was cold – not surprising at 7,694 feet – and after an early morning ride, we gathered to hike down into the canyon. After a drive along dirt roads, we arrived at our starting point to hike down to the hot springs of Recohuata at the bottom. Our group was tightknit after a week on the road together, and we were chatting away happily as we slipped and slid down the incredibly dry and dusty canyon paths.
Keep on growing
It was unfortunate when I tripped over a tree root and fell that there was nothing but my backside to land on. I ripped my shorts, and felt a good graze on my behind, but carried on regardless. My hiking boots could not seem to grip anything in the dust.
A little while later, on a particularly steep corner, I lost my footing again and slid forwards. I didn’t think much of it until I realized that I could not stop. I was heading straight for the edge of the slope, and I had no idea what was below it. In the blur of the next seconds, I threw my arms forwards and found them wrapping around an overhanging tree limb. The camber of the slope propelled me forwards at such velocity that I literally did a somersault over the branch and came to rest hanging over a ledge. I scrambled around with my feet, trying to find ground to push myself backwards, but found none.
Below me, was a huge, quite fatal drop.
“There she goes again!” said the comedic tour guide, edging over to rescue me and pull me back onto the shale slope. This time I was grazed badly, with both knees, elbows and my pride banged up. I was wobbly with adrenalin and bleeding. But, I was alive!
When we finally made it down to the base of the canyon, I was only too happy to jump into the hot spring and soak away the indignity of my falls.
It was at that moment that I realized, I could have been sitting comfortably behind my desk in London rather than taking a perilous trek around Mexico. I could have been earning money at a job instead of spending it on a lifetime experience. I could have remained encased in fear and stuck, and yet here I was, being adventurous and looking uncertainty squarely in the eye. I felt as though I’d won the lottery.
In the end, I traveled around the world for nearly two years and I never looked back. It was the best decision of my life.
If you’re ready to have faith in yourself and conquer self-doubt, here are five things to consider:
- Own your fear: if you are holding yourself back, consider the source – is it a belief (someone said you weren’t good at something/you have tried and failed before) or a lack (of skill, information, time, money etc.)?
- Make a plan: If you can acknowledge your limiting factor, you can decide what to do next. If you are hindered by a limiting belief, consider coaching to help you create an actionable plan that outlines the steps you need to take. If you lack a skill, find a way to learn what you need to move forwards.
- Put the plan into action: Focus on small goals and try to achieve them one at a time. The worst thing you can do is try to do too much at once. To stay on track, consider enlisting the support of an accountability partner or coach.
- Adjust course: Some goals may be harder to achieve than others. Be willing to acknowledge strategies that don’t work and refocus goals as necessary.
- Value every success and failure: use the resilience you’ll build to silence self-doubt and grow greater.
Until next time,
Sarah