Category: BE MORE

urgent

Quick tips to break through procrastination

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BY SARAH EYKYN

When faced with a boring, difficult or unrewarding task, many of us procrastinate. As much as I like to think that I am self-motivated, I am as guilty as anyone of putting off projects that don’t inspire me, but are nonetheless important.

My son was working on a lengthy book report at the weekend which required a considerable amount of time, comprehension, writing and drawing. Given that the due date fell at the end of the Thanksgiving break, and he had left most of it until the last minute, we all felt the pain of his procrastination.

As I helped him figure out how to use his remaining time to complete the project, I shared a favorite Napoleon Hill quote: “Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” He rolled his eyes at me. “I know what it is,” he said, “but how do I stop doing it?”

A very good question. I told him that we procrastinate because there is usually an underlying reason for not wanting to get started. Once we figure that out, it’s easier to take steps to fix it.

Here are some tips I shared with him:

#1. Get Clarity

If procrastination is a problem for you, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I trying to do too much? Is there a way to break this task into smaller, more manageable actions?
  • Is this task too difficult because I lack knowledge? Do I need to do some research so I can figure out where to start?
  • Am I afraid that I’m not going to do this well? What have I done in the past that might make me believe I will be successful at this?
  • Am I aiming too high? Are my expectations realistic, or am I being a perfectionist?
  • Would I rather be doing something else with my time? If this task is not mandatory, is it worth my time? Could I delegate it to someone else?
  • Do I have enough time? Do I need to be more realistic about what I can achieve in the time I have to complete the project?

When you have an idea of what might be holding you back – overwhelm, lack of knowledge, fear of failure, self-criticism, lack of interest, lack of time – you can take steps to overcome the barrier.

#2. Find your motivation

If just figuring out what is holding you back isn’t enough get you going, one critical question to ask yourself is this: “How will I feel if I don’t complete this task?”

In my son’s case, the pain of having to face his class with an incomplete presentation was sufficient to motivate him through his initial procrastination. While he was down to the wire in terms of time, the fear actually motivated him to work quickly and efficiently to get the job done. Ultimately, he was also rewarded with a boost to his self-esteem.

Of course, all of us respond to different stimuli. For some, focusing on a reward is all that is needed to break through procrastination. For others, focusing on the pain of not succeeding is more motivating. Like many who procrastinate over projects, I have realized that what I need is accountability. If I don’t have a tangible deadline to work towards, I tend to lack ‘oomph’. I like deadlines because they force me to work faster and to block out distractions like doing laundry instead of writing.

#3. Use a planner

For working parents who struggle with their own procrastination, it can be hard to watch children do the same with homework and projects. To help everyone power though obstacles, encourage the use of a planner. Show children how to break large tasks into much smaller, more manageable pieces so they can see when each component needs to be completed in order to meet the deadline.

If you are completely stalled and a deadline (self-imposed or otherwise) is not motivating you, another way to break through procrastination is to just agree to start somewhere. In other words, just do something!

#4. Do something

You can create the necessary momentum by taking action on just two questions:

  • What is the smallest thing I can do to get started right now? (Open a Word document, pick up a pen, dial a number, stand on the treadmill, leash the dog).
  • What is the next, easiest step I can take? (Write one sentence, draw one figure, make one sales call, pay one bill, jog for 5 minutes, walk around the block).

Once you have achieved the smallest and easiest forward momentum, just keep going. Before you know it, you’re not procrastinating, you’re just doing it!

Until next time,

Sarah

travel in mexico

How to beat self-doubt

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Self-doubt can sabotage hopes and dreams before they get a chance to see the light of day. If your creative vision, or your desire to do something more with your life is being stifled, it’s time to do a little soul-searching.

If you don’t have faith in yourself, there may be an underlying reason that is limiting your beliefs. Often, the root cause of self-doubt is uncertainty: either you have not been successful at something in the past and you’re not sure you can do it in the future, or you are facing a task that is outside your comfort zone and you have no idea how to handle it.

One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman, who wrote The Four Purposes of Life: Finding Meaning and Direction in a Changing World.  He says, “Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.”

Uncertainty can be very unsettling if you are not a risk-taker by nature. It’s easier to do what you know, or to be where you feel safe, or to have what you are sure of, than it is to step into a place where your expectations may not be met.

The trouble with staying in the safe zone is that you never get to grow. Eventually you get stuck – in your life, in a dead-end job, in a loveless relationship, or in an unhealthy mindset.

Get out of your comfort zone

If you know that self-doubt is holding you back, how can you break through? Can you use fear of the unknown to propel you forwards? Can you use it to actually boost your confidence?

The answer is yes, if you are willing to meet a challenge that lies just outside your comfort zone, and to use your success to make you more resilient.

In reality, breaking through self-doubt is just like learning to walk: You need to take a small step, revel in the forward motion, pick yourself up if you fall, and repeat your efforts until you have conquered the fear.

For my own part, I buried one of my strongest desires – to travel around the world – for years because I was afraid of jumping off the career ladder. I was afraid of not earning money, yet I was equally afraid of staying in a job that wasn’t going anywhere.  I was afraid of missing the chance to travel, but I was also afraid of traveling alone. I was stuck and full of self-doubt because I didn’t know what I really wanted to do with my life.

Looking back, I could say that fate stepped in and opened a door for me. My grandmother died and left me just enough money for a round-the-world plane ticket on budget airlines. She had told us wonderful tales of her adventures abroad, and I felt that spending the money on travel would have pleased her. It was just the push I needed to take a chance on myself. I handed in my notice the day after the funeral.

With no internet to turn to for research at that time, I plotted my route with a lot of uncertainty and a huge dose of naivety. I randomly planned stops throughout America, Mexico, Raratonga, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Kenya.

As none of my friends wanted to jump off the career ladder with me, I was left with no choice but to go alone. The only thing I took with me, besides a way-too heavy backpack, were a few tentative contracts for freelance articles, and a handful of addresses of distant relatives and friends-of-friends to call on.

There were a great many adventures ahead of me, but it was while hiking in Mexico that I learned to give myself up to uncertainty.

I had joined a group on a month-long exploration of the country that started in Mexico City. Having climbed up the pyramids at Teotihuacán, we took our lives and our stomachs in our hands with a journey on the Chihuahua al Pacífico Railroad from Los Mochis to Creel, where we were to hike the Copper Canyon. Reader’s Digest called the ride “the most dramatic train ride in the western hemisphere,” and they were spot on.

I don’t know whether it was seeing poverty-stricken slums from the train, the grubby boys selling tacos and carnitas on the train, or the heartbreaking sincerity of the Tarahumara Indian children carrying their smaller siblings on their backs as they begged when we got off the train, but the 9-hour journey felt LONG.

Creel was cold – not surprising at 7,694 feet – and after an early morning ride, we gathered to hike down into the canyon. After a drive along dirt roads, we arrived at our starting point to hike down to the hot springs of Recohuata at the bottom. Our group was tightknit after a week on the road together, and we were chatting away happily as we slipped and slid down the incredibly dry and dusty canyon paths.

Keep on growing

It was unfortunate when I tripped over a tree root and fell that there was nothing but my backside to land on. I ripped my shorts, and felt a good graze on my behind, but carried on regardless. My hiking boots could not seem to grip anything in the dust.

A little while later, on a particularly steep corner, I lost my footing again and slid forwards. I didn’t think much of it until I realized that I could not stop. I was heading straight for the edge of the slope, and I had no idea what was below it. In the blur of the next seconds, I threw my arms forwards and found them wrapping around an overhanging tree limb. The camber of the slope propelled me forwards at such velocity that I literally did a somersault over the branch and came to rest hanging over a ledge. I scrambled around with my feet, trying to find ground to push myself backwards, but found none.

Below me, was a huge, quite fatal drop.

“There she goes again!” said the comedic tour guide, edging over to rescue me and pull me back onto the shale slope. This time I was grazed badly, with both knees, elbows and my pride banged up. I was wobbly with adrenalin and bleeding. But, I was alive!

When we finally made it down to the base of the canyon, I was only too happy to jump into the hot spring and soak away the indignity of my falls.

It was at that moment that I realized, I could have been sitting comfortably behind my desk in London rather than taking a perilous trek around Mexico. I could have been earning money at a job instead of spending it on a lifetime experience. I could have remained encased in fear and stuck, and yet here I was, being adventurous and looking uncertainty squarely in the eye. I felt as though I’d won the lottery.

In the end, I traveled around the world for nearly two years and I never looked back. It was the best decision of my life.

If you’re ready to have faith in yourself and conquer self-doubt, here are five things to consider:

  • Own your fear: if you are holding yourself back, consider the source – is it a belief (someone said you weren’t good at something/you have tried and failed before) or a lack (of skill, information, time, money etc.)?
  • Make a plan: If you can acknowledge your limiting factor, you can decide what to do next. If you are hindered by a limiting belief, consider coaching to help you create an actionable plan that outlines the steps you need to take. If you lack a skill, find a way to learn what you need to move forwards.
  • Put the plan into action: Focus on small goals and try to achieve them one at a time. The worst thing you can do is try to do too much at once. To stay on track, consider enlisting the support of an accountability partner or coach.
  • Adjust course: Some goals may be harder to achieve than others. Be willing to acknowledge strategies that don’t work and refocus goals as necessary.
  • Value every success and failure: use the resilience you’ll build to silence self-doubt and grow greater.

Until next time,

Sarah

Sink or swim

How to rise above a big mistake

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Virgin founder Richard Branson once said, “One thing is certain in business. You and everyone around you will make mistakes.”

While most of us strive hard to be very good at what we do – if not perfect – making mistakes is actually a better measure of how much we are growing, than how badly we are failing.

Johnny Cash also made a great point when he said: “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

That said, making a really bad mistake at work, either with your own company, for a client, or for an employer, is HARD. It’s stressful, it’s embarrassing and it can cost you and others dearly. So, what should you do?

When I made my biggest mistake at work I was 27. It was 1993 and I was managing communications in London for a travel company.  I was working on the creation of six brochures with a design firm in Glasgow, and in those pre-digital years, I was tasked with flying up there to check the first run of chromalins off the press.

We spread out the massive sheets on the floor and literally went over them with a magnifying glass to detect any blips, blots or otherwise concerning issues with the print quality. Having already completed about five rounds of proofing on the actual text, we did not spend much time checking the words.

Oh what a mistake that was!

A few weeks later, the much anticipated brochures were delivered to our offices from Scotland.  This was an exciting event for our team as our business relied on getting thousands of brochures into the hands of students who wanted to work abroad. All the staff emerged to help move box after box up to the storage room on the 4th floor.

Suddenly I heard a swell of noise from the stairs. “Oh my God, the summer camp brochure is wrong!”

My heart leapt into my mouth and I broke out in a cold sweat. I sliced open a new box to grab a copy.

It looked perfect. I turned the pages, all 12 of them, and could not for the life of me see anything that was wrong.

One of my colleagues ran into promotions department on the 4th floor and almost thrust the brochure under my nose, pointing at a page. “Sarah! Look here! This text is repeated and all the instructions for the form on the back are missing!” she shrieked.

And there it was. Or rather, wasn’t.

A moment of blind panic ensued. I felt the color drain from my face. I really did want the floor to swallow me up.

The brochure was a total catastrophe and it was my fault. Somehow, when loaded to print, the critical text had slipped pages. 50,000 brochures would have to be destroyed, and new ones printed. I couldn’t even begin to calculate how much that was going to cost – thousands of pounds.

Own up

It was at that point that I learned my first lesson about making a bad mistake. No matter how much you want to hide, you’ve got to own up.

And so, I picked up the phone to call our company director in New York. She had checked the final proofs that were sent by courier to the US the day before printing, but she had not seen the actual chromalins and I needed to own the mistake. The time difference made that impossible, however – she had already left for the day. So, I did what I could: I sat at the telex machine to relay the news on the overnight report. (Crazy that 20 years later, all it would take is a text….)

With nothing more to be done, I went home to the apartment I shared with two other girls and re-lived the horrors of the day over a LOT of wine.

Step up

What I could not have known as I slept that night was that a real disaster was unfolding in Mobile, Alabama, which would put the brochure situation sharply into perspective.

At 2.53am CST on September 22, 1993, an Amtrak train derailed on the Big Bayou Canot Bridge that had just been hit by a big river barge. 47 people were killed in the wreck, and 103 others were injured. Two of the victims were British students who were working abroad through our travel program.

Unaware of the news, I went into the office the next morning ready to face the music over the brochures. Unusually, the UK directors were already behind closed doors, and the atmosphere was heavy and somber. We learned that not only had the Amtrak crash taken the lives of two of our participants, many others had been on board the train when it plunged into the bayou.

It was the deadliest train wreck in Amtrak’s history.

Our team went into full crisis management mode, drafting press releases, fielding calls from the unbelievably persistent and unscrupulous press, and handling incoming calls from frantic parents.

It was an awful, awful day.

When I finally connected with the director in our New York office in the afternoon, I barely remembered to apologize for the brochures.

“It was a very serious error,” she said, as I blinked back tears. “However, I think, given today’s situation, we have more important things to focus on, don’t you?”  And that was that. No shouting, no recriminations, just truth.

I will never forget the grace with which she handled the call. In the end, I rang the printer and between us we figured out the reprinting. They even agreed to split the cost.

Grow upwards

Accepting my reprieve felt dishonest given the awful circumstances but it was one of those defining moments in a young career. I learned three very important lessons that day that have served me well:

  1. Even though you feel like crying and giving up when you make an error, it’s important to own the problem, put your ego aside, and figure out a solution.
  2. When someone else makes a mistake, the finest way to handle it is with grace and compassion. Take the high road: allow them the opportunity to make things right and to grow from the process.
  3. Even when things look bad, always remember that they really could be a lot, lot worse. Count your blessings and move forwards.
path to happiness

The Power of Coaching

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Could a coach help you to be healthier, happier and more successful?

If you’re like most people, at some point you’re going to spend some time trying to figure out how to achieve those things. Not just today, or tomorrow, but for the rest of your life. Most of us arrive at this point when we realize that something is missing. You’re not sure what it is, or how to find it, but you know that ‘it’ is out there somewhere. If you could just find ‘it’ – happiness, self-confidence, self-esteem, motivation, better relationship/communication/speaking skills – everything would be better….

Sometimes searching for what is missing is like not being able to see the wood for all the trees…‘it’ could be standing right in front of you, but you can’t identify it. The good news is that a coach can shine a light on it for you, and show you how to find it.

Who needs a coach?

If you’re just starting out in life, you have a unique opportunity to do what most people don’t: choose to live a happy life and make a plan to achieve it.

Instead of just watching life unfold, as a young professional you can work with a coach early on in your career to determine your personal and professional aspirations. Then, instead of following the herd, you can create a plan that helps you to achieve specific goals that pave the way to a truly meaningful life.

If you’re further down the path, perhaps at a crossroads at work, or in your mind, it’s possible that you feel as though you’ve lost your way. You may have a good life, but you can’t quite figure out how to make it GREAT. Perhaps you feel in your heart that there should be more, but you can’t quite figure out how to find the happy, meaningful life you dreamed of?

Whether you are climbing the career ladder, starting or running a company, or raising a family, the barriers to your happiness and success are often ingrained habits and beliefs. A coach can help you to identify these limiting factors, get you unstuck, and help you create a plan to take you from where you are to where you’d like to be.

All too often, we rely on friends and family to provide feedback and offer suggestions when issues and challenges present themselves. Unfortunately, as well meaning as this advice may be, it is not always objective. By contrast, when you work with a coach to find solutions, the focus is entirely objective and each session aims to get you closer to what you most desire.

How to choose a coach

There are a few criteria to consider when choosing a coach:

  1. Are they certified? Certification ensures that your coach has received hours of accredited professional training that includes not just study, but hands-on experience that has been documented and examined.
  2. Are they a good fit for you? Just as every client is different, every coach has a different personality that may or may not resonate with you. It’s important to take up potential coaches on their offer of a ‘free consultation’ if they offer one, so you can evaluate their style. An experienced coach will use this session to help you get clarity on something you’d like to focus on, giving you an opportunity to see if their particular style is right for you before you commit to working with them.
  3. Is your coach specifically interested in your area of challenge? Coaching is a learned skill that can be applied to many situations, but it helps to choose a professional who can guide you through specific situations with confidence. Take a good look at their ‘about’ page, and see if their personal and professional experience feels like a fit.

People from all walks of life become coaches. More often than not, they are driven by a desire to ‘pay it forward’ by sharing their knowledge, experience and skills for the benefit of others. Many are driven by a firm belief in the transformative power of coaching because they have experienced the benefits first-hand.

For my own part, I became a coach because I have always had an insatiable appetite for personal development. I was reading books like Tony Robbins’, “Awaken the Giant Within“, when I was in my early twenties living in London and I never looked back. In the 30 years since I’ve devoured everything from Leo Babauta’s, “The Power of Less“, to Don Miguel Ruiz’, “The Four Agreements” and everything in between. My own experience of life has been truly enriched by the wisdom of others and I hope that through coaching I can make positive changes possible for others.

While the growth of the coaching industry is enormous, working with a coach is still foreign to many people – particularly in England, where I’m from – because many of us grew up with the idea that we must learn to solve our own problems. Coaching can be seen as somehow indulgent or self-absorbed.

However, Forbes magazine1. offers some compelling reasons for personal coaching, noting the competitive edge it gives professionals and companies in terms of clarity, happiness and increased success.  Coaching is productive because it offers individuals and groups a safe environment in which to explore limitations, identify desires, and create realistic goals within a structure of accountability.

For me, the real magic of coaching is the transformation that happens when someone who has been struggling discovers the realm of their own possibilities.  That moment of clarity – the ‘ah-ha’ moment when they truly see the wood for the trees, and a light shines on the path to ‘it’ so brightly they can see hope, happiness and success – is absolutely priceless.

Which makes me wonder, what could coaching do for you?

Until next time,

Sarah

1Why You Need to Hire A Coach In 2015 by William Arruda, Forbes, DEC 9, 2014