urgent

Quick tips to break through procrastination

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BY SARAH EYKYN

When faced with a boring, difficult or unrewarding task, many of us procrastinate. As much as I like to think that I am self-motivated, I am as guilty as anyone of putting off projects that don’t inspire me, but are nonetheless important.

My son was working on a lengthy book report at the weekend which required a considerable amount of time, comprehension, writing and drawing. Given that the due date fell at the end of the Thanksgiving break, and he had left most of it until the last minute, we all felt the pain of his procrastination.

As I helped him figure out how to use his remaining time to complete the project, I shared a favorite Napoleon Hill quote: “Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” He rolled his eyes at me. “I know what it is,” he said, “but how do I stop doing it?”

A very good question. I told him that we procrastinate because there is usually an underlying reason for not wanting to get started. Once we figure that out, it’s easier to take steps to fix it.

Here are some tips I shared with him:

#1. Get Clarity

If procrastination is a problem for you, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I trying to do too much? Is there a way to break this task into smaller, more manageable actions?
  • Is this task too difficult because I lack knowledge? Do I need to do some research so I can figure out where to start?
  • Am I afraid that I’m not going to do this well? What have I done in the past that might make me believe I will be successful at this?
  • Am I aiming too high? Are my expectations realistic, or am I being a perfectionist?
  • Would I rather be doing something else with my time? If this task is not mandatory, is it worth my time? Could I delegate it to someone else?
  • Do I have enough time? Do I need to be more realistic about what I can achieve in the time I have to complete the project?

When you have an idea of what might be holding you back – overwhelm, lack of knowledge, fear of failure, self-criticism, lack of interest, lack of time – you can take steps to overcome the barrier.

#2. Find your motivation

If just figuring out what is holding you back isn’t enough get you going, one critical question to ask yourself is this: “How will I feel if I don’t complete this task?”

In my son’s case, the pain of having to face his class with an incomplete presentation was sufficient to motivate him through his initial procrastination. While he was down to the wire in terms of time, the fear actually motivated him to work quickly and efficiently to get the job done. Ultimately, he was also rewarded with a boost to his self-esteem.

Of course, all of us respond to different stimuli. For some, focusing on a reward is all that is needed to break through procrastination. For others, focusing on the pain of not succeeding is more motivating. Like many who procrastinate over projects, I have realized that what I need is accountability. If I don’t have a tangible deadline to work towards, I tend to lack ‘oomph’. I like deadlines because they force me to work faster and to block out distractions like doing laundry instead of writing.

#3. Use a planner

For working parents who struggle with their own procrastination, it can be hard to watch children do the same with homework and projects. To help everyone power though obstacles, encourage the use of a planner. Show children how to break large tasks into much smaller, more manageable pieces so they can see when each component needs to be completed in order to meet the deadline.

If you are completely stalled and a deadline (self-imposed or otherwise) is not motivating you, another way to break through procrastination is to just agree to start somewhere. In other words, just do something!

#4. Do something

You can create the necessary momentum by taking action on just two questions:

  • What is the smallest thing I can do to get started right now? (Open a Word document, pick up a pen, dial a number, stand on the treadmill, leash the dog).
  • What is the next, easiest step I can take? (Write one sentence, draw one figure, make one sales call, pay one bill, jog for 5 minutes, walk around the block).

Once you have achieved the smallest and easiest forward momentum, just keep going. Before you know it, you’re not procrastinating, you’re just doing it!

Until next time,

Sarah

ladybug on sunflower

Thankful for all things great and small

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Sometimes it’s the smallest things – pollinators – that remind us of what’s really important in life.

When I first moved to America I was very lucky to call Boulder, Colorado my home. It was hard to find myself so far away from my family and friends as I began my new, married life. I turned to long walks in the stunning foothills to get to know my surroundings. As I wandered along in the shadow of the imposing Flatirons, I found a winding path lined with magnificent sunflowers. Nestled on the leaves of one was this beautiful Ladybug.

In England we call them Ladybirds, and there’s a nursery rhyme we used to sing as children that began, “Ladybird, ladybird fly away home.” I felt a bit tearful thinking how far away my family was, and how much I missed them. (Something many of us feel during the holidays when we are hundreds or thousands of miles away…).

Most of us know that the next line of the rhyme is, “Your house in on fire and your children are gone”. What I didn’t know is that farmers in England used to recite this rhyme before burning their fields. Why? Because these beneficial insects, which help to reduce pests and pollinate crops, were too valuable to be harmed.

(I must clarify that was not something we were taught at the Royal Agricultural University….)

As we approach the holidays, and we traipse the aisles of our local grocery store in search of ingredients for pies and puddings to go with the Roast Beast, it occurs to me that we really should be more thankful for the humble pollinators who are the real reason we can enjoy 35 percent of all the food crops in the world.

Without pollinators, traditional holiday fare simply would not be possible.

Unfortunately, our bee populations are in serious decline, and the sustainability of our food production systems is at risk.  For a variety of reasons that have no proven scientific cause – including pesticides, mites, viruses and nutrition – Colony Collapse Disorder is decimating bee populations.

Summer 2009 702

Pollinators play a vital role in our food system

The good news is that there are things we can do to help protect important pollinators, including providing natural habitats in our gardens and urban landscapes where they can find food, shelter and water. Just growing a mix of perennials and annual plants is a great place to start. The Pollinator Partnership has a lot of great suggestions.

Sometimes it really is the smallest things that remind us what we need to be most grateful for. Little insects who make our daily bread possible, for one. Which is why I plan to share seed packets with my friends and family as holiday gifts so that we can repay the pollinators with a feast of their own in the spring.

Until next time,

Sarah

travel in mexico

How to beat self-doubt

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Self-doubt can sabotage hopes and dreams before they get a chance to see the light of day. If your creative vision, or your desire to do something more with your life is being stifled, it’s time to do a little soul-searching.

If you don’t have faith in yourself, there may be an underlying reason that is limiting your beliefs. Often, the root cause of self-doubt is uncertainty: either you have not been successful at something in the past and you’re not sure you can do it in the future, or you are facing a task that is outside your comfort zone and you have no idea how to handle it.

One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman, who wrote The Four Purposes of Life: Finding Meaning and Direction in a Changing World.  He says, “Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.”

Uncertainty can be very unsettling if you are not a risk-taker by nature. It’s easier to do what you know, or to be where you feel safe, or to have what you are sure of, than it is to step into a place where your expectations may not be met.

The trouble with staying in the safe zone is that you never get to grow. Eventually you get stuck – in your life, in a dead-end job, in a loveless relationship, or in an unhealthy mindset.

Get out of your comfort zone

If you know that self-doubt is holding you back, how can you break through? Can you use fear of the unknown to propel you forwards? Can you use it to actually boost your confidence?

The answer is yes, if you are willing to meet a challenge that lies just outside your comfort zone, and to use your success to make you more resilient.

In reality, breaking through self-doubt is just like learning to walk: You need to take a small step, revel in the forward motion, pick yourself up if you fall, and repeat your efforts until you have conquered the fear.

For my own part, I buried one of my strongest desires – to travel around the world – for years because I was afraid of jumping off the career ladder. I was afraid of not earning money, yet I was equally afraid of staying in a job that wasn’t going anywhere.  I was afraid of missing the chance to travel, but I was also afraid of traveling alone. I was stuck and full of self-doubt because I didn’t know what I really wanted to do with my life.

Looking back, I could say that fate stepped in and opened a door for me. My grandmother died and left me just enough money for a round-the-world plane ticket on budget airlines. She had told us wonderful tales of her adventures abroad, and I felt that spending the money on travel would have pleased her. It was just the push I needed to take a chance on myself. I handed in my notice the day after the funeral.

With no internet to turn to for research at that time, I plotted my route with a lot of uncertainty and a huge dose of naivety. I randomly planned stops throughout America, Mexico, Raratonga, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Kenya.

As none of my friends wanted to jump off the career ladder with me, I was left with no choice but to go alone. The only thing I took with me, besides a way-too heavy backpack, were a few tentative contracts for freelance articles, and a handful of addresses of distant relatives and friends-of-friends to call on.

There were a great many adventures ahead of me, but it was while hiking in Mexico that I learned to give myself up to uncertainty.

I had joined a group on a month-long exploration of the country that started in Mexico City. Having climbed up the pyramids at Teotihuacán, we took our lives and our stomachs in our hands with a journey on the Chihuahua al Pacífico Railroad from Los Mochis to Creel, where we were to hike the Copper Canyon. Reader’s Digest called the ride “the most dramatic train ride in the western hemisphere,” and they were spot on.

I don’t know whether it was seeing poverty-stricken slums from the train, the grubby boys selling tacos and carnitas on the train, or the heartbreaking sincerity of the Tarahumara Indian children carrying their smaller siblings on their backs as they begged when we got off the train, but the 9-hour journey felt LONG.

Creel was cold – not surprising at 7,694 feet – and after an early morning ride, we gathered to hike down into the canyon. After a drive along dirt roads, we arrived at our starting point to hike down to the hot springs of Recohuata at the bottom. Our group was tightknit after a week on the road together, and we were chatting away happily as we slipped and slid down the incredibly dry and dusty canyon paths.

Keep on growing

It was unfortunate when I tripped over a tree root and fell that there was nothing but my backside to land on. I ripped my shorts, and felt a good graze on my behind, but carried on regardless. My hiking boots could not seem to grip anything in the dust.

A little while later, on a particularly steep corner, I lost my footing again and slid forwards. I didn’t think much of it until I realized that I could not stop. I was heading straight for the edge of the slope, and I had no idea what was below it. In the blur of the next seconds, I threw my arms forwards and found them wrapping around an overhanging tree limb. The camber of the slope propelled me forwards at such velocity that I literally did a somersault over the branch and came to rest hanging over a ledge. I scrambled around with my feet, trying to find ground to push myself backwards, but found none.

Below me, was a huge, quite fatal drop.

“There she goes again!” said the comedic tour guide, edging over to rescue me and pull me back onto the shale slope. This time I was grazed badly, with both knees, elbows and my pride banged up. I was wobbly with adrenalin and bleeding. But, I was alive!

When we finally made it down to the base of the canyon, I was only too happy to jump into the hot spring and soak away the indignity of my falls.

It was at that moment that I realized, I could have been sitting comfortably behind my desk in London rather than taking a perilous trek around Mexico. I could have been earning money at a job instead of spending it on a lifetime experience. I could have remained encased in fear and stuck, and yet here I was, being adventurous and looking uncertainty squarely in the eye. I felt as though I’d won the lottery.

In the end, I traveled around the world for nearly two years and I never looked back. It was the best decision of my life.

If you’re ready to have faith in yourself and conquer self-doubt, here are five things to consider:

  • Own your fear: if you are holding yourself back, consider the source – is it a belief (someone said you weren’t good at something/you have tried and failed before) or a lack (of skill, information, time, money etc.)?
  • Make a plan: If you can acknowledge your limiting factor, you can decide what to do next. If you are hindered by a limiting belief, consider coaching to help you create an actionable plan that outlines the steps you need to take. If you lack a skill, find a way to learn what you need to move forwards.
  • Put the plan into action: Focus on small goals and try to achieve them one at a time. The worst thing you can do is try to do too much at once. To stay on track, consider enlisting the support of an accountability partner or coach.
  • Adjust course: Some goals may be harder to achieve than others. Be willing to acknowledge strategies that don’t work and refocus goals as necessary.
  • Value every success and failure: use the resilience you’ll build to silence self-doubt and grow greater.

Until next time,

Sarah

Sink or swim

How to rise above a big mistake

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BY SARAH EYKYN

Virgin founder Richard Branson once said, “One thing is certain in business. You and everyone around you will make mistakes.”

While most of us strive hard to be very good at what we do – if not perfect – making mistakes is actually a better measure of how much we are growing, than how badly we are failing.

Johnny Cash also made a great point when he said: “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

That said, making a really bad mistake at work, either with your own company, for a client, or for an employer, is HARD. It’s stressful, it’s embarrassing and it can cost you and others dearly. So, what should you do?

When I made my biggest mistake at work I was 27. It was 1993 and I was managing communications in London for a travel company.  I was working on the creation of six brochures with a design firm in Glasgow, and in those pre-digital years, I was tasked with flying up there to check the first run of chromalins off the press.

We spread out the massive sheets on the floor and literally went over them with a magnifying glass to detect any blips, blots or otherwise concerning issues with the print quality. Having already completed about five rounds of proofing on the actual text, we did not spend much time checking the words.

Oh what a mistake that was!

A few weeks later, the much anticipated brochures were delivered to our offices from Scotland.  This was an exciting event for our team as our business relied on getting thousands of brochures into the hands of students who wanted to work abroad. All the staff emerged to help move box after box up to the storage room on the 4th floor.

Suddenly I heard a swell of noise from the stairs. “Oh my God, the summer camp brochure is wrong!”

My heart leapt into my mouth and I broke out in a cold sweat. I sliced open a new box to grab a copy.

It looked perfect. I turned the pages, all 12 of them, and could not for the life of me see anything that was wrong.

One of my colleagues ran into promotions department on the 4th floor and almost thrust the brochure under my nose, pointing at a page. “Sarah! Look here! This text is repeated and all the instructions for the form on the back are missing!” she shrieked.

And there it was. Or rather, wasn’t.

A moment of blind panic ensued. I felt the color drain from my face. I really did want the floor to swallow me up.

The brochure was a total catastrophe and it was my fault. Somehow, when loaded to print, the critical text had slipped pages. 50,000 brochures would have to be destroyed, and new ones printed. I couldn’t even begin to calculate how much that was going to cost – thousands of pounds.

Own up

It was at that point that I learned my first lesson about making a bad mistake. No matter how much you want to hide, you’ve got to own up.

And so, I picked up the phone to call our company director in New York. She had checked the final proofs that were sent by courier to the US the day before printing, but she had not seen the actual chromalins and I needed to own the mistake. The time difference made that impossible, however – she had already left for the day. So, I did what I could: I sat at the telex machine to relay the news on the overnight report. (Crazy that 20 years later, all it would take is a text….)

With nothing more to be done, I went home to the apartment I shared with two other girls and re-lived the horrors of the day over a LOT of wine.

Step up

What I could not have known as I slept that night was that a real disaster was unfolding in Mobile, Alabama, which would put the brochure situation sharply into perspective.

At 2.53am CST on September 22, 1993, an Amtrak train derailed on the Big Bayou Canot Bridge that had just been hit by a big river barge. 47 people were killed in the wreck, and 103 others were injured. Two of the victims were British students who were working abroad through our travel program.

Unaware of the news, I went into the office the next morning ready to face the music over the brochures. Unusually, the UK directors were already behind closed doors, and the atmosphere was heavy and somber. We learned that not only had the Amtrak crash taken the lives of two of our participants, many others had been on board the train when it plunged into the bayou.

It was the deadliest train wreck in Amtrak’s history.

Our team went into full crisis management mode, drafting press releases, fielding calls from the unbelievably persistent and unscrupulous press, and handling incoming calls from frantic parents.

It was an awful, awful day.

When I finally connected with the director in our New York office in the afternoon, I barely remembered to apologize for the brochures.

“It was a very serious error,” she said, as I blinked back tears. “However, I think, given today’s situation, we have more important things to focus on, don’t you?”  And that was that. No shouting, no recriminations, just truth.

I will never forget the grace with which she handled the call. In the end, I rang the printer and between us we figured out the reprinting. They even agreed to split the cost.

Grow upwards

Accepting my reprieve felt dishonest given the awful circumstances but it was one of those defining moments in a young career. I learned three very important lessons that day that have served me well:

  1. Even though you feel like crying and giving up when you make an error, it’s important to own the problem, put your ego aside, and figure out a solution.
  2. When someone else makes a mistake, the finest way to handle it is with grace and compassion. Take the high road: allow them the opportunity to make things right and to grow from the process.
  3. Even when things look bad, always remember that they really could be a lot, lot worse. Count your blessings and move forwards.

Enjoy the ride: A guide to holiday travel with kids

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BY SARAH EYKYN

In advance of the holidays, I thought I’d share some thoughts on traveling with children. If you have a few days off work and you’re going to be on the road or in the air, a little preparation goes a long way towards preserving sanity.

Traveling with children is at best challenging, and at worst, a complete nightmare. Whether it’s a two-hour car journey to Grandma’s house, or a plane ride to China, parents need strategies – and a sense of humor – to cope with everything from delays and sickness to boredom and bad temper.

When I was a travel writer, I flew around the world footloose and fancy free. Childless at the time, I had absolutely zero tolerance for screaming babies or irritating children kicking my seat. Little did I realize that it would soon be my turn to wrestle with a supremely unhappy nine week-old baby at 30,000 feet. Before I could say ‘poetic justice’, intolerant passengers everywhere were throwing me looks of pure malice.

Fourteen years, 86 flights and countless long distance road trips later, I’ve learned a thing or two about travel with children. For instance: if you are planning to drive a rental car up a long, winding mountain pass in Spain in the heat of summer, do not under any circumstances give a sippy cup of milk to a three year-old prone to travel sickness. This is especially important if you are more than fifty miles from the nearest bathroom.

Likewise, do not administer Cheerios to a hungry, cranky toddler in a security line unless you can handle the ensuing meltdown when the snack and your child’s shoes, teddy, backpack and toys are forcibly removed for X-rays. This is critical if you are traveling alone and need to hold on to your tempestuous tot while simultaneously collapsing a double stroller and carrying a sleeping infant. As it is inevitable that your stroller and diaper bag will get stuck in the X-ray machine just as your baby is selected to be patted down for explosives, save the Cheerios until you have cleared security.

Turbulent times ahead

Diaper changes should only be attempted when absolutely necessary on planes, and then only if you are able to fit a 30 lb. toddler on to the one foot changing table in the teeny, tiny bathroom. Turbulence adds an air of excitement to the process, but if your baby’s bottom is higher than your head, it’s probably time to return to your seat.

It may seem obvious, but running out of diapers is not to be recommended on any journey, particularly if you find yourself bumped from an overnight flight in Newark at eleven o’clock at night. If you survive the arduous journey to the nearest hotel via airport train, elevator and transit bus, and can again collapse and reassemble a double stroller containing two comatose children and three backpacks, don’t expect to find diapers on the room service menu. Or, for that matter, in any of the surrounding hotels’ gift stores. A handy hint: in a crunch, girl’s training pants will fit a baby boy until you can find a store at the airport that sells them. But good luck finding anything besides size three.

Should you find yourself holed up in an hotel without toys for any extended amount of time, there are ways to amuse young children. Our all-time favorite was ‘Runaround’. All you need is an elevator. Simply start at the lobby, press the button for the next floor (the most fun part) and run around each one until you reach the top of the hotel, then repeat going down. Dodging cleaning carts and breakfast trays creates added interest. It should be noted however that while this game is huge fun for participants it can be exceedingly annoying to other guests, especially if it is only 5.30 a.m. The Cartoon Network may be a safer alternative.

To stave off boredom during long trips, it’s a good idea to stock up on small, inexpensive toys and games to wrap up in a backpack (older children will most likely just plug in to music or electronics). New crayons, a puzzle, flash cards, books, a small doll or truck, or better yet, a box of miniature farmyard animals or dinosaurs, will provide hours of entertainment.

I spy some fun

Giving younger kids a disposable camera is a great way to engage them in places of interest, and it’s fun to see the world through their eyes when the pictures are processed. Also less risky than giving them access to an IPhone containing all your work contacts.

If you’re in the car, new stories or songs on tape can absorb even the smallest travelers. The only caveat is this: pick songs you won’t mind humming mindlessly for the next five weeks. Old fashioned games like ‘I spy’ are still great ways to pass the time, even if it is just spotting different colored cars (a less than challenging game with a two year-old who thinks everything is yellow).

Food is the greatest diversion on any trip. Personally, I prefer to stay away from the junk food that is the mainstay of most airports and rest stops.  High-sodium foods like fries make kids thirsty, and the more they drink, the more you have to stop for bathroom breaks.

The answer to, “Are we there yet?” is this: the journey will take as long as MapQuest says it will, plus half the time again for rest stops, meals and gas. Nuts and fruit are great low-mess, high nutrition snacks to keep on board.

Of course, if you’re driving, you have to stop to breastfeed. While European airports and roadside restaurants routinely provide nursing rooms, in America, restrooms are often the only alternative for those who don’t want to nurse in public. A bank of empty seats in a lounge and a big blanket to throw over your shoulder offer some degree of privacy, but it’s not ideal. If you’re using formula, don’t rely on local stores stocking your brand – carry at least an extra day or two’s supply with you just in case.

Public or not, breastfeeding during take-off and landing is a great way to reduce the likelihood of ear problems on planes. Older children should be encouraged to drink or suck on something – whether it’s a pacifier or hard candy – and taught how to ‘pop’ their ears to disperse painful pressure.

Be prepared

Getting sick when you’re away from home is never fun. It’s twice as bad when your child is unwell too, and compounded when you’re in a foreign country and you don’t speak a word of the Spanish, Russian, Vietnamese or French you need to translate symptoms. Carry your pediatrician’s number with you so you can call for advice wherever you are.

At the very least, it makes sense to carry a small first aid kit containing bandages, antibiotic cream, age-appropriate pain reliever, travel sickness medicine and a thermometer. Other essentials include an old towel, Ziploc bags, and a change of clothes for everyone on the trip. ‘Little’ accidents can quickly become a big problem when you’re not prepared for them! My tween-age son still suffers from air sickness so we always fly with a well-stocked carry-on.

If you’re going abroad, travel insurance – one that covers every medical eventuality – can be a life-saver. It ensures that if your child is still screaming and holding its ears after you get off the plane, you can get the medical assistance you need to deal with a perforated eardrum, ear infection or wax crayon extraction, without having to worry about how you’ll pay for it.

Years ago, I met a fearless couple who were traveling through rural Mexico for a month. As they boarded the Copper Canyon train in Creel with four children under the age of seven, I thought they were crazy. “How do you do it?” I asked. The mother confided: “Having children doesn’t mean you have to limit your sense of adventure. The secret is to pack light and try to enjoy the ride, even when it gets bumpy.”

There’s no doubt about it: travel with children can be turbulent. But, with a little preparation and a lot of wet wipes, a trip to China can seem almost as manageable as the ride to Grandma’s house. Almost.

An apple a day

An ounce of prevention

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Benjamin Franklin once said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  I found that out the hard way yesterday. Instead of receiving four free flu shots, my family was prescribed $200 of Tamiflu to treat and ward off the Type A flu my teenage daughter had just tested positive for. I guess even ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ isn’t enough to combat close-quartered high school cooties.

Most working moms are so busy running the show – plotting who has to be where, when and with what – that even with the best of intentions some things fall through the cracks. In our case, a busy fall season of soccer and cross-country meant that October’s schedule was just too full for a trip to the clinic so I had scheduled flu shots for the Thanksgiving break off school.

Usually, making costly a mistake guarantees that it won’t be repeated, but it would be much easier not to make it in the first place, wouldn’t it?  And yet, human nature makes us procrastinate and we end up avoiding important appointments (who really wants to spend time going to the dentist or accountant, or getting a mammogram?).

Of course we know we should. We know it’s in our best interests to take preventative care of our health, home, car, finances and pets. We know it’s more expensive to be sick, to make repairs, and to spend rather than save money.

So why do we leave things to the last minute? Why do we avoid the simple fix?

I just read an interesting article on why people procrastinate that suggests it’s a process of self-regulation rather than time management. Apparently cognitive behavioral therapy can provide assistance for chronic procrastinators.

Given that procrastination can be expensive, it’s helpful to acknowledge what kind of procrastinator you are – someone who lives for the adrenalin-induced rush of the last minute; an avoider whose fear of failure or success is the barrier; or, someone who shirks responsibility.

For my part, I know I’m a last-minute thrill junkie…I work best under the pressure of being down-to-the-wire.  I tame this natural inclination with self-imposed deadlines, but it’s not a perfect remedy.

The fact that I can feel the chill of Type A flu creeping into my limbs is proof of that.  This is the only year we have not had an October flu shot, and I feel awful that it’s the first year at least one of my children has succumbed to it.

Next year, I will be sure to opt for the ounce of prevention and avoid the emotional, financial and physical expense of a pound of cure. In the meantime, I am going to take a long, hard look at my schedule to see if anything else is in danger of falling into the cracks.

Why We Procrastinate, July 2005, Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200507/why-we-procrastinate   

How to reduce stress when your child is sick

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BY SARAH EYKYN

It’s a fact of life: kids get sick, and they often take you down with them.

While every working mother dreads the words, “Mom, I don’t feel well”, the key to reducing the stress of sick days to create a plan A well ahead of time, and have a plan B ready if plan A falls through.  Share the plans with everyone who needs to know, including your children, so they know what to expect.

Plan A, for many fortunate women, is to call extended family for help. If daycare or school is not an option, having a grandparent or relative to call on can be a lifesaver.

For those, like me, whose family live hundreds or even thousands of miles away, Plan A looks a bit different. If you’re lucky, plan A can be as simple as working from home, but it may also mean a day of unpaid leave, a sick day, or negotiating with a partner for whose work day is the most expendable. In all of these cases, they key is to know what is possible. Make time to check in with HR/your boss to see what the official policy is at work (if you are the boss, hopefully have a family-friendly policy!) and with your partner if you have one, to see who has the most flexibility. Tag teaming for a half day each is another option to consider.

Before we had children, my husband and I decided that a nanny was essential if I was going to be able to work from home.  Thankfully we found the best nanny in the world – a real Mary Poppins – who was with us for five years and continues to be part of our family’s life to this day. If the children were ever sick, nanny NayNay was there for them.  It really was an ideal situation but of course the children eventually reached school age, and with that came the need for a new plan A and B.

Playing hooky?

To me, the most stressful part of having sick children is figuring out how ‘sick’ they really are (and whether, in fact, a day off from school is justified…).

While it may be fairly evident if a toddler or preschooler is too sick to go to daycare/needs to see a doctor (fever, throwing up, hacking cough, not eating, rash etc.), I have often found it harder to determine the same with my school age children.

Do they really have a headache that will prevent classroom time, or are they trying to pull a fast one in order to skip a test?  Is their tummy ache caused by anxiety or a stomach bug? And worse still…. are they being sick because they’ve got a stomach bug, or do they have appendicitis? (I found that one out the hard way…)

Teaching children to be resilient means not giving in to every little ache or stuffy nose – after all, as adults we have to just get on with it a lot of the time – but it’s important to do due diligence to ensure you don’t overlook something more serious…. or send them to school with something infectious that knocks out half the class. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers a handy tool to consult when your child is sick at www.healthychildren.org, but never substitute this or any other advice for the advice of your personal physician.

In the short term, if they have no concerning symptoms and they look ‘ok’, I enlist my mother’s mantra to help my older children convince me that a sick day is in order: “Only you can tell how unwell you really feel”. As it turns out, it works almost all the time. My children know how much effort it takes to catch up on a whole day of missed classwork, quizzes and homework, and it’s not fun! Plus, sick days do not result in electronic time. If you’re too sick for school, the remedy is bed and a book in our house.

Of course, the key to reducing seasonal stress is to do what you can to keep everyone healthy. Insisting on adequate sleep for the whole family, regularly eating a wide range of colorful fruits and vegetables, and consistently your washing hands are all helpful ways to boost immunity. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offer some helpful tips on Stopping the Spread of Germs at Home, Work & School.

Ultimately, like a good scout, the trick for sick days is always to be prepared. They’re going to happen. Often. So, if you don’t have a good plan A (and B), now is the time to put one in place.

Until next time,
Sarah

Benefits of walking

2 ways to boost happiness in 20 minutes at lunchtime

STRESS LESS / tagged , , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN.

It’s pouring with rain and the dogs are at my feet. Ollie hates to get wet, while Pickle, our mad-cap Jack Russell, couldn’t care less.  Ollie’s disposition gives me the perfect excuse NOT to leave my desk at lunchtime, but I know if I can just get outside, it will be worth the effort.

Did you know that the simple act of getting outside at lunchtime is scientifically proven to boost happiness? Perhaps not in the rain, but spending time in fresh air on a nice day can boost your mood significantly. According to research by the University of Sussex1., leaving the office to eat lunch outside – in a park, on a bench, at home, or even while riding public transport – can measurably increase happiness.

The study found that the reverse was true of staying put: eating at a desk, or in the office café, did not positively impact emotional wellbeing or enhance the study participants’ attitudes towards work. In fact, eating at their desks reduced participants’ scores by 1.42 on the study’s happiness scale.

So, the first way to boost happiness at lunchtime is to get outside.

As hard as it can be to justify taking a lunch break, think of it as a way to return to work feeling refocused and refreshed, then give yourself permission to go. Just 20 minutes is enough if that’s all you can squeeze in.

On the way out of your office, try to be ‘present’. Check in with yourself. If you’re feeling stressed, try to use the 4-7-8 breathing technique to reduce any stress or anxiety you may be feeling.

This is also a great time to enjoy 5-7 minutes of brisk walking and soak up a bit of mood-regulating Vitamin-D on the way to finding an inspiring spot to eat your lunch.

If you’re not close to a park, try to find a bench from which you can observe trees, birds, or simply a patch of sky. Tune in to the sights, smells and sounds around you.  Explore your surroundings with a new spot each day. The study reported that the highest happiness was found for those eating lunch at the beach but hey, we have to be realistic!

Hopefully, you’ve been kind to yourself and made or bought a healthy lunch option to eat (check out Cooking Light for some great ideas), and some water to keep you hydrated.

Now, you have time for the second way to boost happiness: practicing gratitude.

If you have never seriously tried to focus on what you are grateful for, it can feel a bit strange talking to yourself in your head, but that’s all you need to do. Start with a simple list: “I am grateful for this fresh air filling my lungs, I am grateful for this healthy lunch nourishing my body, I am grateful for this sunny day warming my face…” and move on. Don’t just say the words, but really try to feel your gratitude rising.

Did you know that the word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia, which is also the root of the word ‘grace’? For those with religious convictions, this moment of gratitude also presents an opportunity to connect with a higher power.

The subjective nature of gratitude makes it hard to study scientifically, but Harvard Medical School’s Healthbeat2 suggests that studies in this area do support, “an association between gratitude and an individual’s well-being.” For my part, I know it makes me feel happier.

When you have run through a simple list, and while you are munching on your lunch, move on to things that really matter to you. Think about your health (what works!), your family (the joy!), your job (the things your paycheck makes possible), and your relationships (try to resist the temptation to dwell on anything negative and focus on small things that you are grateful for).

Creating the habit of gratitude does require practice. If you’re a visual person, you may want to start a gratitude journal to jot things down (though juggling this with your sandwich may prove tricky). I call mine a JOY JOURNAL because when I look through the pages and see the many incredible blessings I have in my life, it brings me a deep sense of happiness. I use mine last thing at night so I go to sleep focusing on positive rather than negative things.

OK, now that you’ve enjoyed a stress-relieving walk (5 mins), a nutritious and gratitude-inducing lunch (10 mins) you’re ready for a calm and happy trip back to your desk (5 mins). Depending on where you work this timeframe may need to be adjusted, but try to squeeze gratitude in where you can.

As you return, notice how you feel.  Hopefully you feel recharged and a bit happier than when you left. If nothing else, you squeezed in a healthy lunch, a bit of ‘you’ time, and a few minutes of heart-healthy exercise! Now simply repeat daily for a healthier, happier outlook.

The rain has stopped and Ollie is indicating that I have absolutely no excuse not to venture out….

Until next time,
Sarah

  1. “Happiness is greater in natural environments”, George MacKerrona, Susana Mouratoc, Global Environmental Change, Volume 23, Issue 5, October 2013, Pages 992–1000: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0959378013000575
  2. Harvard Health Publications, http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat
tree

The one thing you must do today if you have children

STRESS LESS / tagged , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN

In the one hour I have left before picking up the children from school, I have to figure out supper (make a quiche and buy dog food), write an article and find my son’s soccer kit before we hit the road for tonight’s game. Mentally, I rush through the list, prioritizing, but today all of these things seem equally important.  I feel stress rising, ever so slightly in my chest.

Rushing and stressing are what most working moms do all the time. No matter how many times we read helpful articles on ‘How to Stress Less’ or ’10 Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On’, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

It was only when I realized the impact my constant ‘rushing’ was having on the entire family, and how stressed they were becoming as a result, that I decided I had to do something differently.

And so, as soon as I felt the stress rising I stopped everything I was doing this afternoon. Mid quiche.

I leaned back against the kitchen counter and I took a low, slow, deep breath in through my nose, held it, and then released it through my mouth.  This calming, 3-step breathing technique, which I learned about from Dr. Andrew Weil, is absolutely brilliant and can be done anywhere, or any time you feel in the least bit stressed or overwhelmed.

It took me a while to get the hang of it. To start – and this feels a bit strange if you’ve never done it before – put the tip of your tongue behind your upper front teeth, then exhale through your mouth. Then:

  • Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of FOUR
  • Then hold your breath for a count of SEVEN
  • Finally, breathe out through your mouth, whooshing, for a count of EIGHT

Repeat this cycle four more times, for a total of five breaths, counting each time. Dr. Weil suggests that the cycle should be repeated at least twice a day, building up to as many as eight breaths after the first month of practice. The important thing to remember is to let the inhalation be quiet, and the exhalation, or whooshing sound, be audible. I also like to close my eyes and think of a place where I feel close to Nature, (in this case, a path in rural Spain that leads to a heart-shaped tree).

After five of these breath cycles, it is really quite amazing how the level of stress just melts away. And when that happens, you can pick up where you left off (mid quiche if necessary) and get on with your to-do list much more efficiently.

The bonus of learning this breathing technique has been threefold: 1) it has changed the way I handle stress by stopping it before it starts; 2) my family is less stressed because I am more calm, and 3) my children are using the technique themselves to self-soothe everything from exam nerves to stage fright.

To learn how to do this today, watch Dr. Weil demonstrate it in this video.

path to happiness

The Power of Coaching

BE MORE / tagged , , , , / / by

BY SARAH EYKYN

Could a coach help you to be healthier, happier and more successful?

If you’re like most people, at some point you’re going to spend some time trying to figure out how to achieve those things. Not just today, or tomorrow, but for the rest of your life. Most of us arrive at this point when we realize that something is missing. You’re not sure what it is, or how to find it, but you know that ‘it’ is out there somewhere. If you could just find ‘it’ – happiness, self-confidence, self-esteem, motivation, better relationship/communication/speaking skills – everything would be better….

Sometimes searching for what is missing is like not being able to see the wood for all the trees…‘it’ could be standing right in front of you, but you can’t identify it. The good news is that a coach can shine a light on it for you, and show you how to find it.

Who needs a coach?

If you’re just starting out in life, you have a unique opportunity to do what most people don’t: choose to live a happy life and make a plan to achieve it.

Instead of just watching life unfold, as a young professional you can work with a coach early on in your career to determine your personal and professional aspirations. Then, instead of following the herd, you can create a plan that helps you to achieve specific goals that pave the way to a truly meaningful life.

If you’re further down the path, perhaps at a crossroads at work, or in your mind, it’s possible that you feel as though you’ve lost your way. You may have a good life, but you can’t quite figure out how to make it GREAT. Perhaps you feel in your heart that there should be more, but you can’t quite figure out how to find the happy, meaningful life you dreamed of?

Whether you are climbing the career ladder, starting or running a company, or raising a family, the barriers to your happiness and success are often ingrained habits and beliefs. A coach can help you to identify these limiting factors, get you unstuck, and help you create a plan to take you from where you are to where you’d like to be.

All too often, we rely on friends and family to provide feedback and offer suggestions when issues and challenges present themselves. Unfortunately, as well meaning as this advice may be, it is not always objective. By contrast, when you work with a coach to find solutions, the focus is entirely objective and each session aims to get you closer to what you most desire.

How to choose a coach

There are a few criteria to consider when choosing a coach:

  1. Are they certified? Certification ensures that your coach has received hours of accredited professional training that includes not just study, but hands-on experience that has been documented and examined.
  2. Are they a good fit for you? Just as every client is different, every coach has a different personality that may or may not resonate with you. It’s important to take up potential coaches on their offer of a ‘free consultation’ if they offer one, so you can evaluate their style. An experienced coach will use this session to help you get clarity on something you’d like to focus on, giving you an opportunity to see if their particular style is right for you before you commit to working with them.
  3. Is your coach specifically interested in your area of challenge? Coaching is a learned skill that can be applied to many situations, but it helps to choose a professional who can guide you through specific situations with confidence. Take a good look at their ‘about’ page, and see if their personal and professional experience feels like a fit.

People from all walks of life become coaches. More often than not, they are driven by a desire to ‘pay it forward’ by sharing their knowledge, experience and skills for the benefit of others. Many are driven by a firm belief in the transformative power of coaching because they have experienced the benefits first-hand.

For my own part, I became a coach because I have always had an insatiable appetite for personal development. I was reading books like Tony Robbins’, “Awaken the Giant Within“, when I was in my early twenties living in London and I never looked back. In the 30 years since I’ve devoured everything from Leo Babauta’s, “The Power of Less“, to Don Miguel Ruiz’, “The Four Agreements” and everything in between. My own experience of life has been truly enriched by the wisdom of others and I hope that through coaching I can make positive changes possible for others.

While the growth of the coaching industry is enormous, working with a coach is still foreign to many people – particularly in England, where I’m from – because many of us grew up with the idea that we must learn to solve our own problems. Coaching can be seen as somehow indulgent or self-absorbed.

However, Forbes magazine1. offers some compelling reasons for personal coaching, noting the competitive edge it gives professionals and companies in terms of clarity, happiness and increased success.  Coaching is productive because it offers individuals and groups a safe environment in which to explore limitations, identify desires, and create realistic goals within a structure of accountability.

For me, the real magic of coaching is the transformation that happens when someone who has been struggling discovers the realm of their own possibilities.  That moment of clarity – the ‘ah-ha’ moment when they truly see the wood for the trees, and a light shines on the path to ‘it’ so brightly they can see hope, happiness and success – is absolutely priceless.

Which makes me wonder, what could coaching do for you?

Until next time,

Sarah

1Why You Need to Hire A Coach In 2015 by William Arruda, Forbes, DEC 9, 2014